Getting Divorced

Divorce is a sensitive and heart wrenching topic for almost everyone who has gone through it. Writing about it can bring clarity and provide support and understanding to others going through a divorce. By staying true to your experience and emotions, you can write a powerful and cathartic piece that resonates with readers and offers a glimpse into the complexities of divorce.

Preparation

• Before you start writing, take some time to reflect on your experience. Consider the key events, emotions, and turning points in your divorce journey.
• Outline the main events and phases of your story, such as the initial signs of trouble, the decision to divorce, the legal process, and the aftermath.
• Identify pivotal moments that shaped your experience and emotions during the divorce.

Audience

Are you writing this story primarily for self reflection and healing, or will there be an audience for the story? If the story is primarily for your own consumption and reflection, don’t worry too much about structure or flow. Simply reminisce freely without worrying about spelling, grammar or sentence structure. Your virtual biographer will compile your memories into a coherent story for your enjoyment.

If you are writing the story as part of your life story, or to offer support and wisdom to others, give some thought to what insights and lessons you want to impart. What is the key message you want your audience to takeaway from your divorce story? Share this insight with your virtual biographer.

Structure and Flow

A story written for others starts with a good “hook” and unfolds with authenticity and emotion. Provide context about your marriage and the events leading up to the divorce. Describe your relationship, your life circumstances, and any significant factors that contributed to the decision. Life stories can be told both chronologically and thematically. A chronological structure is good for recounting the order events happened. A thematic structure is focused on the ideas, thoughts and feelings of the characters in the story. Your virtual biographer can weave both approaches.

One of the most important choices to make about writing the story is what point-of-view the story will take. Do you want to tell it in the “First Person” (you as narrator) or the “Third Person” (an objective narrator). Most autobiographies, memoires, and life stories are told in the first person because they are character-driven stories. They are more intimate. However, writing and telling the story in the third person offers objectivity and omniscience. Tell it in your own voice as you lived it (first person), or as an impartial observer watching two people end their marriage (third person).

Answer the Important Questions; Skip Those Less Relevant

The ‘Times of My Life’ app provides you with a Virtual Biographer (VB) to interview you about your experience. Yes, it’s an AI bot, but a very smart and intuitive one. Your VB has instant access to similar stories written and shared by millions of other people. It can help you relive events, thoughts and feelings. It can help illuminate the essence of your experience, and then tell a story that is uniquely yours. If your VB asks a question that doesn’t seem relevant to your experience, just skip it and move on to the questions that assist your recall and are important to how you lived the experience.

Add Details

If your virtual biographer fails to ask you a key question about your divorce, simply tap the “Add Details” icon to add the memory when it comes to your mind. To add a detail, you can type it or use the microphone to record it. The VB will use your answers and the extra details you add to write a great story.

These ideas will get you in the mindset to answer questions and add details:

• Emotional Honesty: Share your genuine feelings and emotions, even if they are difficult to express. Authenticity will resonate with readers.
• Balanced Perspective: Acknowledge both your own actions and those of your ex-partner. Aim for a balanced portrayal rather than placing all the blame on one side.
• Complex Characters: Portray yourself, your ex-partner, and other key figures as multi-dimensional characters. Highlight your personalities, motivations, and changes over time.
• Moments of Levity: Humor can be a powerful tool to balance the heavier emotions and add a touch of humanity.
• Growth and Change: Show how you and your ex-partner have evolved through the process of divorce.
• Include Dialogue: Recreate important conversations that illustrate your experiences and emotions. Dialogue adds realism and depth to your narrative. Use dialogue to reveal underlying tensions, emotions, and unspoken thoughts.
• Self-Reflection and Lessons: Include introspective passages where you reflect on what you’ve learned from the experience. How has the divorce changed you? What insights have you gained? Share any lessons or advice you have for others who might be going through a similar experience.
• Respect Privacy: Be mindful of privacy, both yours and your ex-partner’s. Avoid sharing overly personal or sensitive details without consent. Handle sensitive topics with care and empathy, especially if children or other family members are involved.
• Leave Room for Hope: End on a hopeful note, even if it’s simply the feeling of new beginnings. Show how this experience helped shape you and your perspective on life.

Don’t Just Tell; Show

Instead of simply saying the divorce was difficult, describe the tearful conversations, sleepless nights, or moments of unexpected support. Show your inner conflict. Did you question your own decisions? Did you grapple with guilt or blame? Photos, narration, and music will also help you “show” the story. The ‘Times of My Life’ app is excellent at helping you visualize the story in multimedia formats.

Write the Story; Add Media

• After the interview and after you add whatever details you think are important, you will have the option of writing the story yourself, or having your virtual biographer write the story. It only cost $0.99 to have your VB write the story — and will save you hours of work writing it yourself. You can always edit what the VB writes.
• If you prefer to write the story yourself, use your answers from the interview and the details and notes the app captured, to guide your writing. Tips for writing the story yourself can be viewed by tapping the “Tips” icon in the app. Additional tips are listed below.
• After the story is written you will end up at the ‘Enhance Story’ screen. This is where the magic happens.
  • Tap “Add Media” to insert images and/or video clips into the narrative of your story.
  • Tap “Narrator” to choose a narrator. NOTE: A narrator is great if you ask your virtual biographer to write the story in the Third Person. If it is written in the First Person, then YOU are the narrator of the story.
  • Tap “Music” to add background music to your story, assuming you plan to publish it as an audiocast or a video.

Edit and Revise

After the story is written by you or your virtual biographer, you can “share” it for free through he app with friends and loved ones. Their feedback can provide valuable perspective and help you improve your story. After you get their feedback you can go back and edit the story as desired — or ask your VB to rewrite it with the feedback!

Publish Your Story

One of the best features of the ‘Times of My Life’ app is that it will produce the story in multimedia formats.

• Tap PDF to create a nicely formatted printed version.
• Use Audiocast to download an MP3 file.
• Click Video to download a high resolution video, complete with narration (if you choose a narrator), background music, and your uploaded images and video clips.

Sample Outline

1. Introduction

• Brief Overview: Introduce the topic and purpose of your story.
• Personal Context: Provide a brief background of your marriage.
• Initial Signs: Describe the early signs that indicated the marriage was in trouble.

2. Realization and Decision

• Moment of Realization: Detail the moment you realized divorce was inevitable.
• Factors Leading to the Decision: Discuss the factors that contributed to the decision to divorce.
• Initial Reactions: Share your emotional response and initial thoughts.

3. Communication and Discussion

• Conversation with Spouse: Describe the first conversation about divorce with your spouse.
• Negotiations and Agreements: Outline any agreements or discussions about how to proceed.

4. Legal and Practical Steps

• Finding a Lawyer: Describe the process of finding legal representation.
• Filing for Divorce: Explain the steps taken to legally file for divorce.
• Division of Assets: Discuss the division of property, finances, and other assets.
• Child Custody (if applicable): Detail the arrangements made for child custody and visitation.

5. Emotional Journey

• Grieving Process: Share your emotional journey through the stages of grief.
• Support Systems: Highlight the importance of support from friends, family, or a therapist.
• Self-Discovery: Discuss what you learned about yourself during this period.

6. Social and Personal Impacts

• Impact on Social Life: Describe how your social interactions and relationships were affected.
• Changes in Daily Life: Discuss the adjustments in your daily routine and living situation.
• Public Perception: Reflect on how others reacted to your divorce.

7. Moving Forward

• Starting Over: Talk about the steps you took to rebuild your life.
• New Beginnings: Share any new opportunities or changes in your life post-divorce.
• Personal Growth: Reflect on the personal growth and positive changes that resulted from the experience.

8. Conclusion

• Reflection: Summarize your thoughts on the entire experience.
• Advice: Offer any advice or insights for others going through a similar situation.
• Hope for the Future: End on a hopeful note, expressing optimism for the future.